I think part 5, The Parent's Part, might have been my favorite section of Raising Godly Tomatoes.
There are so many things she talked about that hit home with me. I absolutely LOVE her no-nonsense approach to making changes in your attitude instead of considering yourself a victim to your emotions.
On page 238 she talked about how she trained herself not to become angry by keeping a close watch on her heart. I love this idea but she sure made it sound a lot easier than it really is. And while I do believe in a quick fix for some things, for this I think it would take continuous alertness.
("continuous alertness" ?? Is that a real phrase??)
Have you ever read Debi Pearl's, Created To Be His Helpmeet? She also talks about the dangers of practicing wrong thoughts that lead to anger. A fantastic read if you don't have it!
What do you think she means by a critical spirit? I often wonder if that's me, but I don't know what actually defines it. I feel like I spend so much time telling my children what not to do or making them go back and fix what they did wrong. While I know it's my job to correct them and hold them to a high standard, I don't want to be nit-picky. Not sure what the balance is there....
I know that I'm probably the only one with older children, but was there anything in this section that was helpful to you anyway? What did you think of The Parent's Part?
I will not be hosting another book study for awhile but I do want to leave you with a couple of good book suggestions in case you're looking for something new....
Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl
Don't Make Me Count To Three by Ginger Plowman
Shepherding A Child's Heart by Ted Tripp
Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby
Ladies, you have blessed me tremendously with your thoughtful insight and encouraging words. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for discussing this book with me, being honest and open, and allowing me to glean from your wisdom. I pray God's blessings on you and your family as you faithfully raise up your precious children for Him.
God bless you.
I love you,
Sandy
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Insightful Issues
I hope you had a great week. Welcome back Janice! I just got back into town myself after a short trip back to Arkansas.
Here we are at chapter 14 and just one more week to go. I thought the title Insightful Issues was perfect as these seem to be some frustrating things that can slip through the cracks or not be recognized as "real" discipline issues. In fact I would call these discipling vs discipline.
My favorite one was forgetfulness. This is something that tends to happen around chore time. And I even wonder if I'm calling it the right thing by forgetfulness. Basically it is when chores are done but not to my standard. Then I go back and realize what a poor job they did. This is definitely my fault in not following through, not checking up, and going about the day leaving it undone. I have been trying harder to "inspect what I expect". Talk about forgetfulness!!
Gratefulness is another one on my list. The funny thing is that I tend to have more of an issue with this than my kiddos. I want to be thankful in my thoughts about all things and then remember to express it.
Here's one of my favorite lines on page 222...
"Do not be annoyed every time you have to correct. "
"Recognize that you are in for the long haul, and you must persist for as long as it takes, even if that means years."
That's something good to remember when the day gets long and you feel like you've accomplished nothing!
Did you enjoy this chapter? Tell us what you thought!
Here we are at chapter 14 and just one more week to go. I thought the title Insightful Issues was perfect as these seem to be some frustrating things that can slip through the cracks or not be recognized as "real" discipline issues. In fact I would call these discipling vs discipline.
My favorite one was forgetfulness. This is something that tends to happen around chore time. And I even wonder if I'm calling it the right thing by forgetfulness. Basically it is when chores are done but not to my standard. Then I go back and realize what a poor job they did. This is definitely my fault in not following through, not checking up, and going about the day leaving it undone. I have been trying harder to "inspect what I expect". Talk about forgetfulness!!
Gratefulness is another one on my list. The funny thing is that I tend to have more of an issue with this than my kiddos. I want to be thankful in my thoughts about all things and then remember to express it.
Here's one of my favorite lines on page 222...
"Do not be annoyed every time you have to correct. "
"Recognize that you are in for the long haul, and you must persist for as long as it takes, even if that means years."
That's something good to remember when the day gets long and you feel like you've accomplished nothing!
Did you enjoy this chapter? Tell us what you thought!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Tomatoes Chapter 13
Sibling Squabbles
You know what? Being an only child, I'm so thankful that I have lots of children to even squabble with each other! I'm glad my kids have each other to learn from and to help each other grow. Like she said on page 209, "Later on they will treat their husbands and wives the way they treat their brothers and sisters now."
As far as sharing goes, I've tried something new lately. I've been teaching my little kids the 10 Commandments and trying to give examples for each one. When one child snatches something from another, I'm calling it "stealing" and talking to them about what it really means when you take something that someone else has. It sorta puts a different twist on the teaching.
I learned something years and years ago that has been tremendously helpful to our family over the years. Jonathan Lindvall came to speak to my homeschool group in AR and this is a jewel from his teaching.....
Instead of allowing your children to tattle, have them confess. Here's how it works. One child hits another out of anger and the victim tells the bully to confess to mom. If the bully refuses to confess, the other child comes to mom and is allowed to say (only this), "Mom, I told Joshua to confess and he will not." Joshua gets an automatic spanking for not confessing. They learn quickly that it goes better for them to confess than not!
Discernment plays a big part in this b/c the children are not allowed to have each other confess as a means of getting each other in trouble. So if I suspect that is going on, or if they are having their siblings confess over petty matters, then *they* are the ones that will get in trouble. The confession policy cuts out a ton of whining and complaining to mom. And hopefully it is teaching them about our ultimate need of confession to God. It has been a fabulous tool for our family.
Bickering....I like her idea on pg 211 of having kids reenact the squabble. That is something I may try. I can see where that would not only help you see your wrong in the situation, but also show you how the other person feels about what you've done. It would also help you think creatively about what you could've done instead. Have ya'll ever tried this?
What did you like/dislike about this chapter?
Well I'm heading to AR this week with my oldest daughter for graduation. We are SOOOO excited!! God bless you and I hope you have a great week with the children God has blessed you with.
Love,
Sandy
You know what? Being an only child, I'm so thankful that I have lots of children to even squabble with each other! I'm glad my kids have each other to learn from and to help each other grow. Like she said on page 209, "Later on they will treat their husbands and wives the way they treat their brothers and sisters now."
As far as sharing goes, I've tried something new lately. I've been teaching my little kids the 10 Commandments and trying to give examples for each one. When one child snatches something from another, I'm calling it "stealing" and talking to them about what it really means when you take something that someone else has. It sorta puts a different twist on the teaching.
I learned something years and years ago that has been tremendously helpful to our family over the years. Jonathan Lindvall came to speak to my homeschool group in AR and this is a jewel from his teaching.....
Instead of allowing your children to tattle, have them confess. Here's how it works. One child hits another out of anger and the victim tells the bully to confess to mom. If the bully refuses to confess, the other child comes to mom and is allowed to say (only this), "Mom, I told Joshua to confess and he will not." Joshua gets an automatic spanking for not confessing. They learn quickly that it goes better for them to confess than not!
Discernment plays a big part in this b/c the children are not allowed to have each other confess as a means of getting each other in trouble. So if I suspect that is going on, or if they are having their siblings confess over petty matters, then *they* are the ones that will get in trouble. The confession policy cuts out a ton of whining and complaining to mom. And hopefully it is teaching them about our ultimate need of confession to God. It has been a fabulous tool for our family.
Bickering....I like her idea on pg 211 of having kids reenact the squabble. That is something I may try. I can see where that would not only help you see your wrong in the situation, but also show you how the other person feels about what you've done. It would also help you think creatively about what you could've done instead. Have ya'll ever tried this?
What did you like/dislike about this chapter?
Well I'm heading to AR this week with my oldest daughter for graduation. We are SOOOO excited!! God bless you and I hope you have a great week with the children God has blessed you with.
Love,
Sandy
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tomatoes Chapter 12
Welcome back to Raising Godly Tomatoes. This week we're on chapter 12 entitled Pride Problems.
I like how she prefaced this character training chapter w/ the reason behind it all..."so that they will be well prepared in their hearts and habits when God calls them into His service."
As I read over the different problems of pride that she lists, I tried to identify any that would relate in my own heart or in my family.
Bossiness is the one that stuck out to me. With 8 brothers and sisters, there is always somebody to boss around!
I read along just fine until I hit the section on precociousness. I was glad she defined this word for me as "wisdom beyond a child's years". I've only heard it used a couple of times and wasn't really sure what was meant by it. Well as a homeschooling mom I totally disagreed with this whole section. Joining adult conversations without being invited has nothing to do with superior knowledge and everything to do with impropriety. Most of my kids know their way around the kitchen pretty well but I would not let them "teach" an adult the finer points of bread baking unless they (the adult) asked.
I want to teach my kids everything I know and more. I have no fear of them showing off their knowledge. On the contrary, I want them to be thankful for the opportunity to learn and be willing to share with others. I think they have a good understanding that they do not know it all and there are many people from whom they can learn as well.
Amanda's son is learning Greek at age 4. When I heard him reciting some things he learned (he was asked, btw) I did not feel like he was bragging but simply enjoying learning along side his dad.
I would like to discuss the next 2 chapters the way we have been doing. They deal with character issues that do not need to be rushed. However, if it's ok with you, I'd like to combine Part 5 into one chapter. That gives us 3 more weeks. The reason for that is this: one chapter talks about older children and most of you have little kids, the other 2 just sort of recap the whole book. Does that sound ok?
What did think of chapter 12?
I like how she prefaced this character training chapter w/ the reason behind it all..."so that they will be well prepared in their hearts and habits when God calls them into His service."
As I read over the different problems of pride that she lists, I tried to identify any that would relate in my own heart or in my family.
Bossiness is the one that stuck out to me. With 8 brothers and sisters, there is always somebody to boss around!
I read along just fine until I hit the section on precociousness. I was glad she defined this word for me as "wisdom beyond a child's years". I've only heard it used a couple of times and wasn't really sure what was meant by it. Well as a homeschooling mom I totally disagreed with this whole section. Joining adult conversations without being invited has nothing to do with superior knowledge and everything to do with impropriety. Most of my kids know their way around the kitchen pretty well but I would not let them "teach" an adult the finer points of bread baking unless they (the adult) asked.
I want to teach my kids everything I know and more. I have no fear of them showing off their knowledge. On the contrary, I want them to be thankful for the opportunity to learn and be willing to share with others. I think they have a good understanding that they do not know it all and there are many people from whom they can learn as well.
Amanda's son is learning Greek at age 4. When I heard him reciting some things he learned (he was asked, btw) I did not feel like he was bragging but simply enjoying learning along side his dad.
I would like to discuss the next 2 chapters the way we have been doing. They deal with character issues that do not need to be rushed. However, if it's ok with you, I'd like to combine Part 5 into one chapter. That gives us 3 more weeks. The reason for that is this: one chapter talks about older children and most of you have little kids, the other 2 just sort of recap the whole book. Does that sound ok?
What did think of chapter 12?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Tomatoes Chapter 11
An entire chapter on temper tantrums!
Elizabeth does a good job addressing the issue here. Anger.
And since fits of rage are not acceptable in adults, it shouldn't be in children. She rejects the notion of the frustration excuse and goes to the heart of the matter.
I guess all kids try the tantrum idea at least once. I had one toddler that would throw himself on the floor in a mad display. Since we had tile, it didn't take him long to figure out that it wasn't a good idea! For the most part, we've been able to curb the basic fit by her no-nonsense, practical approach she writes about.
I seem to have a hard time acting promptly though which leads me to think I'm not staking as I ought. If I'm caught up in the kitchen and find it inconvenient to stop and discipline right away then my child is probably too far from me in the first place. This is what I need to work on this week.
Any thoughts on fit throwing? I wonder how many adults would have an easier life if their parents had taught them to control their anger when they were 2? What do you think?
Elizabeth does a good job addressing the issue here. Anger.
And since fits of rage are not acceptable in adults, it shouldn't be in children. She rejects the notion of the frustration excuse and goes to the heart of the matter.
I guess all kids try the tantrum idea at least once. I had one toddler that would throw himself on the floor in a mad display. Since we had tile, it didn't take him long to figure out that it wasn't a good idea! For the most part, we've been able to curb the basic fit by her no-nonsense, practical approach she writes about.
I seem to have a hard time acting promptly though which leads me to think I'm not staking as I ought. If I'm caught up in the kitchen and find it inconvenient to stop and discipline right away then my child is probably too far from me in the first place. This is what I need to work on this week.
Any thoughts on fit throwing? I wonder how many adults would have an easier life if their parents had taught them to control their anger when they were 2? What do you think?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Tomatoes chapter 10
Crying And Whining
Anybody have this at home?
Elizabeth starts out with distinguishing several different types of crying and some suggestions to combat them.
I didn't fully agree with #4 "Crying Due To Injury" where she says that if your child doesn't stop crying to not use it as a training session. I've seen that if it is not dealt with you will soon have a wimpy kid that cries over the slightest bump. I've often wondered if I'm too insensitive with this. In boys especially, I want them to tough it up and keep going unless it truly is something serious. If you allow them to cry and whine when they aren't really hurt, you'll never be able to know if it's serious or not.
On page 151 a mom asks about an 8yo who screams fits. Again, this one didn't quite line up with what has worked for us. Never would I use a corner on a screaming 8yo. This would only allow him to choose when to stop. Instead, I would give what she calls the "I mean business" spanking and then make him sit beside me with his hand clapped over his mouth.
Using the corner is new for me. I've always considered it equal to time out. However, the way she is using it is much different. I've used it with my little kids now with great success. Still I would never stick an older child in the corner since I feel like they are deliberately being disobedient or willful and need something a bit firmer.
What do you think? Does the corner work for you?
A couple of weeks ago my 2 yo was being whiny at church. We sit on the end of the pew, so I told her to put her face on the wall and stand there. This worked wonderfully. I did not need to take her out, she wasn't a distraction to others, and when I let her out she was ready to be cheerful again.
My favorite part of this chapter is the very end on pgs 162-163 which is a testimony from a grandmother. She gives such a clear picture of how the "clean your room" technique is effective in correcting a disagreeable demeanor. My pastor said something fitting this morning...."He is a fool who doesn't listen to someone who has gone before him." This g'mother has seen the fruit of her labor and is now passing on her expertise to her g'children..and us. No, we can't produce joy in our children but we can help them choose their attitudes and not become victims to their emotions.
What do you think? Is this something that you struggle with at home? Has the corner, or something else, been helpful to you??
Anybody have this at home?
Elizabeth starts out with distinguishing several different types of crying and some suggestions to combat them.
I didn't fully agree with #4 "Crying Due To Injury" where she says that if your child doesn't stop crying to not use it as a training session. I've seen that if it is not dealt with you will soon have a wimpy kid that cries over the slightest bump. I've often wondered if I'm too insensitive with this. In boys especially, I want them to tough it up and keep going unless it truly is something serious. If you allow them to cry and whine when they aren't really hurt, you'll never be able to know if it's serious or not.
On page 151 a mom asks about an 8yo who screams fits. Again, this one didn't quite line up with what has worked for us. Never would I use a corner on a screaming 8yo. This would only allow him to choose when to stop. Instead, I would give what she calls the "I mean business" spanking and then make him sit beside me with his hand clapped over his mouth.
Using the corner is new for me. I've always considered it equal to time out. However, the way she is using it is much different. I've used it with my little kids now with great success. Still I would never stick an older child in the corner since I feel like they are deliberately being disobedient or willful and need something a bit firmer.
What do you think? Does the corner work for you?
A couple of weeks ago my 2 yo was being whiny at church. We sit on the end of the pew, so I told her to put her face on the wall and stand there. This worked wonderfully. I did not need to take her out, she wasn't a distraction to others, and when I let her out she was ready to be cheerful again.
My favorite part of this chapter is the very end on pgs 162-163 which is a testimony from a grandmother. She gives such a clear picture of how the "clean your room" technique is effective in correcting a disagreeable demeanor. My pastor said something fitting this morning...."He is a fool who doesn't listen to someone who has gone before him." This g'mother has seen the fruit of her labor and is now passing on her expertise to her g'children..and us. No, we can't produce joy in our children but we can help them choose their attitudes and not become victims to their emotions.
What do you think? Is this something that you struggle with at home? Has the corner, or something else, been helpful to you??
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Tomatoes Chapter 9
Welcome to our discussion on chapter 9, Dealing With Feelings.
In this chapter, Elizabeth uses Jesus as our supreme example in managing our God given emotions. She cites several incidents of rightly displayed emotion as well as a few examples of emotional outbreaks that are not looked upon favorably.
Although she is very practical in her advice on how to change a wrong display, she also goes deeper and deals with the attitude of the heart. I appreciate that and hope that it may have cleared up some of the questions that have come up in previous chapters.
My favorite part of this chapter starts with page 130, Changing Thoughts Will Change Emotions.
As a mom, I know that often I can get discouraged with what I see in my children. I can either wallow in self-pity that says, "this job is too hard, this isn't working, I'm ruining my children, etc." or embrace the struggles as God given opportunities to bring about change. If I am thankful for the revelation that God gives me in whatever I'm struggling with, then I am able to view it as an opportunity.
" Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. " 2 Cor 10:5
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. " Phil 4:8
The rest of the chapter is devoted to handling different displays of emotionalism. There are 2 more chapters that talk about emotions so I encourage you to hang in there if this one didn't sit well with you.
Again, I thank you for joining me in this study and I look forward to hearing from you. God bless your week.
Love,
Sandy
In this chapter, Elizabeth uses Jesus as our supreme example in managing our God given emotions. She cites several incidents of rightly displayed emotion as well as a few examples of emotional outbreaks that are not looked upon favorably.
Although she is very practical in her advice on how to change a wrong display, she also goes deeper and deals with the attitude of the heart. I appreciate that and hope that it may have cleared up some of the questions that have come up in previous chapters.
My favorite part of this chapter starts with page 130, Changing Thoughts Will Change Emotions.
As a mom, I know that often I can get discouraged with what I see in my children. I can either wallow in self-pity that says, "this job is too hard, this isn't working, I'm ruining my children, etc." or embrace the struggles as God given opportunities to bring about change. If I am thankful for the revelation that God gives me in whatever I'm struggling with, then I am able to view it as an opportunity.
" Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. " 2 Cor 10:5
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. " Phil 4:8
The rest of the chapter is devoted to handling different displays of emotionalism. There are 2 more chapters that talk about emotions so I encourage you to hang in there if this one didn't sit well with you.
Again, I thank you for joining me in this study and I look forward to hearing from you. God bless your week.
Love,
Sandy
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